If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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