Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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