Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize