Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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