The maid of honor just puked.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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