I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
