if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
