remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
