it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm really busy with my period
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