Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
