OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
