Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize