Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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