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• (801): View more from Utah

  hey, what are you doing tonight?

  (646): View more from New York

  sleeping, g'night!

  (801): View more from Utah

  but i wanted to see you :(

  (646): View more from New York

  sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!

  (646): View more from New York

  stop - you have a right hand - use it!

  Fav 10 1236 1859

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• (425): View more from Washington

  It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.

  Fav 7 6213 2423

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

  Fav 23 11857 1630

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.

  Fav 11 4498 1158

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.

  Fav 14 7504 1455

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.

  Fav 6 2311 797

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not

  Fav 3 756 546

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.

  Fav 5 1530 653

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  What drugs are we doing when you visit?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.

  Fav 3 1381 616

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  You mean maximum 5?

  Fav 5 1285 623

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  All. The answer is always all

  Fav 3 1004 548

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• (361): View more from Texas

  Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight

  Fav 0 379 174

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?

  Fav 3 294 179

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• (904): View more from Florida

  She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.

  Fav 0 162 125

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.

  Fav 2 21 35

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