Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
