If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
