my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
