On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
