I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
