You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize