Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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