My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Umm I'm too high to move.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
