someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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