i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize