Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize