If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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