Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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