my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So much rum. So many feels.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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