i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just want nice things and good sex
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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