So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
