im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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