come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
