Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
