We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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