I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
