Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
