best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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