We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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