Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
