Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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