Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
