my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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