why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i dont even know how to be here
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
