Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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