What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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