Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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