Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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