maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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