3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
