So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
