It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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