I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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