His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
