Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
