i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
