I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
