Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
