We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
