i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
