1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
