i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
