You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize