my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Enjoy the penises
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
