I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
