evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
