So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
