You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
