maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
