i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
