just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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