No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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