I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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