she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
