I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
