I heard we made out
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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