The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
