We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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