Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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