I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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